Onaka Pi-Pi Geinin (Celebrities with Diarrhea)

One thing that may surprise newcomers to Japan is the frankness with which people here talk about bowel movements (or lack there of, as being bempi, or constipated, is another big topic for conversation). Children are taught in elementary school to keep an eye on their daily "deposits" and note any changes in color, shape, and, er, consistency. This early indoctrination in poop profiling leads to a general openness when discussing their digestive health. It is not uncommon for people to have a long, open discussion over lunch about just such topics. It is also acceptable to answer a "Hi, how are you?" With, "Not bad, but man am I constipated! Three days and NOTHING. How about you?" From my count, there are countless terms for bowel movements and I don't mean dirty words, but efficient words that describe different kinds of turds and their, um, composition (something similar to Eskimos and words for snow, I guess.)

The first time I was made party to a conversation of this nature, I thought I has having trouble understanding. Surely, I thought, this person is not telling me about what I think she is. She was. And the candor with which she was talking about it was unsettling. Maybe Americans are just too prudish, and talk of private matters are supposed to be just that- private- not something to be discussing in a crowded cafe. After 10 years, I'm just starting to get over it.

To illustrate just how out-in-the-open this topic is, there is a variety show called Onaka pi-pi Geinin (Celebrities with Diarrhea), where celebrities engage in myriad bathroom banter. "What was it like pooing in your high school toilet?" "What's the most t.p. you ever used?" "Was there ever a time you got the squirts and there wasn't a bathroom in sight?" They then sent a roving reporter out into the streets to take an informal poll of how many people were pi-pi and how many bempi (bempi won out 2 to 1, if you're interested.)

So if you come to Japan, be ready to talk about your daily "business." Be careful though, because in Japan, toilets are where ghosts live.