Attack of the Cyborg School Girls

Japan, a nation long known for its technological superiority (and unflagging inability to integrate it with good design - see Toyota Prius for example), have a long history of creating hi-tech robots that serve no functional purpose. Toyota created a robot that can sort-of play a trumpet and Honda made a robot that can serve tea to other robots. Every year in Tokyo, robot designers showcase their innovation in dancing droids and this past November we were able to watch what looked like a metallic kogyaru go through a series of parapara moves that would make even Aymi Hamasaki envious. Most disturbing is perhaps the fact that cyber-trance is gaining a new group of loyal, if not anymore intelligent, converts.

Japan Officially Endorses International Kidnapping

After two weeks behind bars, Japan released the American father who came to Japan to re-kidnap his children after they were initially kidnapped in America by his Japanese wife and brought to Japan. Christopher Savoie had no choice but to attempt to snatch his children back because by Japanese law divorced husbands are never given even joint custody of their children, and in fact, most fathers are not able to see their children again until they are adults (20 years old in Japan).  Savoie's wife knew that if she could sneak her kids back to Japan, she would be protected from those pesky egalitarian American laws which require joint custody and outlaw kidnapping.  Savoie is getting support from an unlikely source: Japanese fathers who want more visitation rights. These fathers welcome all the attention the case has garnered and hope that it leads to a change in child custodial policy.  Ambassadors from the U.S. and seven other countries have also chimed-in to encourage Japan to modernize its laws governing custody. But, as is the case with most Japanese laws, they are older than dirt and nobody wants to take responsibility for making any changes.

Thinking Outside the Bun in Tokyo

Went to a burger joint in Kichijoji called Village Vanguard for lunch today. Since I don't eat beef, but I was in the mood for a sandwich, I asked if they could take the herb chicken that was on the menu and just put it on bread for me, and add a little cheese and onion (there was no "chicken sandwich" on the menu, just beefy all beef-beef burgers). Since this is Japan, and nothing out of the ordinary is ever tolerated, let alone requested, three wait staff and two cooks spent 10 minutes discussing the feasibility of my request (which entailed taking a few items already on the menu, and using them to create something slightly different). In the end they took a chance and I ended up with one of the tastiest sandwiches I have had in my life.  This is progress I think. 10 years ago they would have just made that familiar sucking sound through their teeth, tilted their heads and said: "chyotto...."

Picture via "bantus"

Suzuki Ichiro Ejected from Game

Suzuki Ichro was ejected from last Saturday's game against the Toronto Blue Jays. This was Ichiro's first ever ejection in his entire career and has some in Japan blogging that it is just the most recent example of a long string of objectionable behavior of late.  Critics first started paying attention a few weeks ago when Ichiro uttered a sentence laden with polysyllabic words.  Then during a recent away series on the east coast, Ichiro was spotted smiling in the locker room.  Whether this deviant behavior persists or not remains to be seen. But Umpire Brian Runge thought the best way to reign in the stubbed upstart was to throw him out of the game, saying later, "something had to be done. After I called strike three on a pitch so far outside the catcher had to dive to knock it in the dirt, I saw Ichiro crack an American-style sarcastic grin. To see him suddenly confident and at ease being one of the best players in the history of the game- it was making the American players self-conscious.  I mean, what is he, like 4'.8"? Obviously never took steroids. It ain't right. So I booted his spunky munchkin ass."

Japanese Style Erections

This is how Japanese politicians try to get votes- sitting outside restaurants and cafes with trucks laden with loudspeakers. After they ruin everyone's dinner they drive off to annoy other innocent diners. Unfortunately, Japanese law prohibits T.V. attack adds, which we all know is how elections are fought and won in other modern democracies.

Jury Trials Return to Japan- What's Good for Guantanamo...

After half a century of trials by judges only, Japan has returned to a (kind of) jury trial system. In the new format, three judges will be joined by six lay-persons to decide the fate of Japanese defendants. While juries will only be used in certain cases, there is some concern among prosecutors that changing the system might compromise the current 99% conviction rate in Japanese courts. Forced confessions at the hands of police while refusing suspects access to defense lawyers will continue unimpeded, however.

Honda to Move Motorcycle Production from Japan to Thailand

Honda, the worlds largest motorcycle manufacturer plans to stop making their popular bikes in Japan, and instead import them into Japan from Thailand. The move is expected to lower the typical price of a motorcycle for Japanese consumers by about $1500. This move is similar to what American auto makers did over the past several decades when they moved manufacturing plants first to Canada, then Mexico to reduce the cost Americans pay for Fords and Buicks. While the quality of U.S. automobiles was crap even before they started getting made in Mexican shanty towns, some Japanese are worried that Honda's reputation for quality might suffer if it moves production to Thailand, where they have a completely different concept of motorcycle riding:

Japan to be More Assertive- Asks for Washington's O.K. First

The conservative Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) is poised to win the August elections and strip the even more conservative Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) of their 54-year hold on power. They say Japan has put up with confusing, antithetical political party names for too long. Their first order of business, leaders say, is to not change anything at all.

Japanese Asstronaut Wears Same Underwear for 4 1/2 Months

Koichi Wakata, the Japanese astronaut who just returned from 4 1/2 months on the international space station, grossed-out his fellow aviators by disclosing to them that he had not changed his underwear the entire time. Apparently he was testing out a new type of industrial grade undie designed by the Japanese company J-Wear to be odor free and fire-retardant. Though it is not entirely clear why any company would want to make underwear designed to be worn for months at a time, there is speculation that the president of J-Wear is an 8 year-old boy prone to stinky skivvies and playing with matches.

On the Edge in Tokyo

Hottest day of the year in Tokyo? Only one thing to do: Climb a mountain! Just 30 minutes from our apartment on the outskirts of Tokyo is Mt. Takao. Most people forget that most of Japan is inhospitable- covered in rugged mountains and dense forests. Notice how clearly you can see where the city abruptly ends and the nature begins. The newest Michelin Guide gave Mt. Takao 3 stars, which is the maximum putting it on par with Mt. Fuji. This distinction has also brought with it hoards of European tourists dressed in short-shorts and dress socks.

The pay off at the top: A tease of Mt. Fuji in the distance covered in clouds.

Another indication that European tourists have invaded: Coke is SOLD OUT

Visual Host Fashion Biting Gal Style

A new TV program on NHK called Kawaii TV promises to feature all things "cute" for the discriminating fashionista. But "Gal's" aren't the only ones being targeted, Metrosexuals are also being encouraged to tune in. Today's show featured the growing trend of men wearing "silhouette enhancing" women's clothing, such as skinny jeans, blouses and healed boots- they are even applying light make-up. Taking things even further is the Visual Host style combining heavy metal costuming and make-up with host club coolness. Host clubs are places women go to be fawned over by handsome professional hosts- and the women pay for the service, often racking up liqueur bills in the thousands of dollars, "why don't you treat us all to a bottle of Dom Perignon?" (At least they can be sure the guys are actually listening to them.) However, as was featured on Kawaii TV, this style is seeping out of the host clubs and into the streets. The stylists took a normal looking guy and gave him the full treatment. Afterwards they invited his girlfriend on to comment. Surprisingly she was really into it and couldn't wait to show him off to her friends.

15 Minutes of Shame

Adding to the already bad news of Japan's incredible shrinking population are the new statistics showing that 30,000 people a year commit suicide here. This equates to one suicide every 15 minutes. Most suicides are committed by men in their 50's, and it is believed that they do so in order to provide insurance money to their families (yes, life insurance in Japan covers suicides- do you see a possible relationship between this and the number of suicides? Apparently nobody else does.)

The skyrocketing unemployment rate of 4.4% is also believed to be behind the high rate of suicides.

People hoping to "off" themselves have plenty of options in Japan: jumping in front of the Chuo Line, walking naked into remote mountain areas to die of exposure, or joining one of the many web support groups cropping-up designed to share ideas on quick-and-easy suicide techniques. You can also use these sites to hook up with a "buddy" so you won't have to face the deed alone.

The Hybrid Hoedown Continues

2011 Hybrid Supra

Not to be outdone by the other, Toyota and Honda are both rushing to release hybrid sports cars next year. You read that right, I used the words "hybrid," "sports car," and "Toyota" in the same sentence. Since Toyota has so thoroughly Prius-fied the entire automotive world, it is hard to imagine anything even remotely "sporty" to come out of that company. Toyota hasn't had a cool sports car since the Supra, and, perhaps not coincidentally, that is exactly the car they are bringing back, only in hybrid form. Don't get me wrong, I love great gas mileage, but I just can't get excited by a sports car with one of Toyota's ubiquitous, underpowered, and otherwise pathetically unresponsive "Synergy-Drive" engines.

2011 Hybrid Cr-ZX

Over at Honda, they are resurrecting their own classic sports car, the Cr-X, and giving it the hybrid treatment. I used to drive one, and I have to say I am a little more excited about that. Even the gas engine version from the late 80's got 30 miles to the gallon, so I'm not sure how the hell a hybrid engine will improve on anything. At least Honda knows how to build a sports car (NSX, S2000), and I have much more faith that they will be able to pull it off.

Both cars will be unveiled at the Tokyo Motorshow in October. I'll try to get some pictures of the production models, but it is so hard to get my camera over the heads of all the otaku clamoring to take pictures of- not the cars- the anorexic models standing by them. Weird.

Google Earth Digs Up Discrimination in Japan

Google, in their ever persistent push to be purveyors of the unique, have added a feature to Google Earth that allows users to superimpose ancient street maps over the current topography. Seemed innocuous enough until they found some maps of 17th century Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto that had clear delineations of "dirty ghettos"- or areas where the "undesirables" in society were forced to live. Descendants of the burkakumin caste, or the historic underclass of Japan (people who were forced to do the dirty work in society- undertaking, butchering, garbage collecting etc) have spent centuries trying to shed the stigma associated with their ancestors. They have been successful at blending into society thanks in large part to the fact that they look like any other Japanese, and they have common last names. But in a country where discrimination is widely accepted and openly practiced, burakumin still have to go to great lengths to keep their ancestry secret. Unfortunately, property in Japan is often held for generations, and Google has made it easy to see where the "ghettos" of the Edo period were located and where many of the "filthy mob" still dwell.

Sharp Releases Solar-Powered Cell Phone

The new Sharp SH002 cell phone released today has a solar panel on the back to charge the battery. It's also waterproof- which makes sense because they are releasing it in the middle of the rainy season. I guess the only problem is that you will have to wait two months to see the sun long enough to charge your phone...

Birth Rate Increases- Inevitable Extinction of Japanese Race Prolonged

The inevitable extinction of the Japanese race has been prolonged by a few years. The average number of children a Japanese woman will have in her lifetime has gone up dramatically from 1.34 to 1.37 (2.07 is needed to keep the size of the population constant.) With deaths far out-pacing births, this results in a net annual population decrease of 51,317. According to some estimates, the world's last Japanese person born in Japan will die sometime in the middle of the next century. This news has some people worried that in order to keep the social security coffers full, Japan will have to do something nobody wants: accept immigrants- permanently. Personally I welcome the falling population rate- think of how easy it will be to find a parking spot close to the Costco entrance!

Man Denied His Due

An exonerated man who spent 30 years on Japan's death row for a crime he didn't commit expects to make the government pay for their incompetence. He is not planning to sue the government for millions in damages like would happen in the U.S., no, he is demanding he be given social security benefits. Because he was unable to work for the 30 years he spent behind bars, he has no money saved for retirement. He is now 83 years old. So far the Japanese government is resisting his request on the grounds that only people who paid their monthly premiums are eligible. Rules are rules...

Wanna Buy a School? Jungle Gym Included!

The incredible shrinking Japanese population has led to some interesting problems. One is that because there are so few children to fill up schools, cities have been forced with unloading hundreds of shuttered public school buildings. The problem has been that finding buyers has been difficult, especially in rural areas. One city in Hokkaido, which had to close 7 of its 9 elementary schools in 2008, decided to put the properties on Yahoo Japan's auction site, which would expose the properties to a national audience. The plan worked. Final sale price for one school, compete with pool, gym and playground: $300,000.

Mitsubishi Releases World's First Mass-Produced Electric Car

Today Mitsubishi motors officially released its all electric car, the MiEV (which means, in perfect Japanese-English fashion, "Mitsubishi In-wheel motor Electric Vehicle"). They got a jump start on other car makers like Nissan and Peugeot who will release their own electric cars later this year (sorry, but I don't consider Tesla to be "mass produced.") The MiEV is butt-ugly, but then so is the Prius and that didn't stop a million hippies from running out and buying one. Actually, the MiEV might cause a mini-revolution in the "look at me, I drive a green car" segment. Now that there is a true zero emission vehicle on the market, people will think if you drive a hybrid you are an eco terrorist.

The price of the MiEV starts at about $35,000, and that is AFTER $15,000 is tax breaks and other insentives from the government. They have a regular gas version for $10,000 that gets a very respectable 45 MPG. So, if you consider that most people driving compact cars spend about $1,000 a year on gas, that means you would only have to drive the MiEV for 20 years to recoup your investment over the gas version. Hey, it's Japanese, it will still be running then.

Onaka Pi-Pi Geinin (Celebrities with Diarrhea)

One thing that may surprise newcomers to Japan is the frankness with which people here talk about bowel movements (or lack there of, as being bempi, or constipated, is another big topic for conversation). Children are taught in elementary school to keep an eye on their daily "deposits" and note any changes in color, shape, and, er, consistency. This early indoctrination in poop profiling leads to a general openness when discussing their digestive health. It is not uncommon for people to have a long, open discussion over lunch about just such topics. It is also acceptable to answer a "Hi, how are you?" With, "Not bad, but man am I constipated! Three days and NOTHING. How about you?" From my count, there are countless terms for bowel movements and I don't mean dirty words, but efficient words that describe different kinds of turds and their, um, composition (something similar to Eskimos and words for snow, I guess.)

The first time I was made party to a conversation of this nature, I thought I has having trouble understanding. Surely, I thought, this person is not telling me about what I think she is. She was. And the candor with which she was talking about it was unsettling. Maybe Americans are just too prudish, and talk of private matters are supposed to be just that- private- not something to be discussing in a crowded cafe. After 10 years, I'm just starting to get over it.

To illustrate just how out-in-the-open this topic is, there is a variety show called Onaka pi-pi Geinin (Celebrities with Diarrhea), where celebrities engage in myriad bathroom banter. "What was it like pooing in your high school toilet?" "What's the most t.p. you ever used?" "Was there ever a time you got the squirts and there wasn't a bathroom in sight?" They then sent a roving reporter out into the streets to take an informal poll of how many people were pi-pi and how many bempi (bempi won out 2 to 1, if you're interested.)

So if you come to Japan, be ready to talk about your daily "business." Be careful though, because in Japan, toilets are where ghosts live.

Medical Advice FAIL

I was reading up on some allergy medicine I was thinking of trying (with socialized medicine you can try anything for FREE!) I came across a website that gives advice for certain medications. I thought this blurb for Nasarel would be a perfect submission for one of my favorite blogs, FailBlog.org. I actually submitted it to them for consideration, but in case it never goes up, I present it to you all here first. As you can see, native English speakers are perfectly capable of mangling meaning, too:

Underlined portion: "Nasarel will not work if you stop taking it". Duh!

Socialized Medicine ROCKS!

Living in Japan is truly wonderful. However, if you have allergies, you are likely to be miserable for 6 months out of the year. This is a country where they planted millions of ceder trees in an attempt to patch over the ravages of their impressive, though no less environmentally insensitive industrial revolution. Apparently nobody told them that ceder pollen is a real pain in the arse. Well, they know now. And short of razing the entire countryside, we are stuck with itchy eyes and runny noses. The up-side to all this discomfort is the Japanese medical system, which is (cover your ears conservatives) SOCIALIZED. This means that the government acts as the sole insurance provider (though people are free to purchase supplemental insurance from private companies to cover what the government plan does not- which is generally 80% of total costs.) I know the horror stories propagated by the right-wingers who say socialized medicine leads to rationed health care and long lines for basic services. Well, let me tell you about my recent foray into this medical mystery.

First, I was told I needed a health check for my new job. I went to a local clinic (anyplace is fine, so I went to the place closest to my house. This was a vast improvement over my HMO coverage back in NYC, where I HAD to go to a doctor on a list prepared by my health care provider- none of whom were even remotely close to my apartment- and if that doesn't sound like rationed health care, I don't know does), I waited about 3 minutes before I was called in to take blood and urine tests and take a chest x-ray. After another 5 minutes I was called in to sit with the doctor to discuss my x-ray. The doctor said there was a little cloudy area on one of my lungs, so I might as well go get a CT scan just to be on the safe side.

A few days later I went to get my CT scan and this time, I wasn't even able to sit down in the lobby before I was called to the CT scan room. 5 minutes later I was back on my bike headed home.

Oh, and did I mention that I didn't pay anything? In Japan CT scans are considered preventative, so they are fully covered.

Man, this was easy, I thought, so when I was going crazy with my allergies, I decided to go see an allergist. This experience was just as smooth- no appointment, no waiting, no money. The only thing I had to pay for was a portion of the medicine prescribed to me: One month's supply of Nasonex, and some Allegra. Total charge: about $15. That's cheaper than Americans having to buy it from Canada!

Now, I know it isn't really free. I have about $400 deducted from my pay every month for coverage for myself and an UNLIMITED number of dependents (this amount also includes deductions for Japan's equivalent of Social Security, so the actual cost for just the health care portion is much lower). The amount deducted from some one's paycheck depends on how much they make; the less they make, the less is taken out, but EVERYBODY pays something. But here is the kicker: Rich or poor, we ALL have the SAME coverage. And the coverage, as far as I can tell, blows away anything I ever had in the U.S. (which I could never afford because my work never offered to pay for it...and that was as a teacher in a public university!

So to all you Americans who fear Bam's Socialized Medicine plan, I hope you get a really really bad runny nose.

Governor Performs Hare Kiri over Evil Trees

The governor of Shizuoka Prefecture (home to Mt. Fuji) took responsibility for the delayed opening of the much anticipated new airport by resigning. The cause of the delay was due to several trees around the airport that were deemed "too tall" (clearly visible in the photo above). By taking responsibility for the errant trees, the governor leaves ever crafty Nature to continue to run-amok and annoy and inconvenience Japanese in the future.

All I Ever Needed to Know about Life I Learned from a Japanese T-Shirt

While in Gunma over Golden Week, I popped into the local Shimamura to pick up some polo shirts for work. I passed the t-shirt section and found some very inspiring messages. Very Zen. Being a linguist, I have become quite proficient in deciphering English that has been translated from Japanese using generic translation software, as was clearly the case here:

Translation: When at first you don't succeed...spell check.


Translation: Life is Good (But only if you act on those sudden chances to make it so.)

Translation: Doors are good for going out. But sometimes they're not.

Caged Beast

My first sighting of a Nissan GTR it its natural habitat. Spotted this beast peaking out at me on my walk to work. It's kind of sad to see it like this, and I'm sure PETA would not approve. You could almost hear its growling 500 horsepower reduced to a whimper from behind the bars of its cage. I'm happy to report that a few days later, on a Sunday, it had escaped and was undoubtedly roaming the streets hunting Boxters, Mclarens and Corvettes.

Either that or the fat old bastard rich enough to keep it needed to pick up a new golf bag.

If you want to see what the GTR is capable of, check out this video of Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear race it around the Fuji Race Circuit in Japan- that is, until he gets whip-lash and has to be rescued by an ambulance:

Driving School Camp Only $2500! Free Cake!

I was talking to a student today and he had a flier for this driving school camp. In Japan, you have to pay a private driving school an absurd amount of money for training before you can even take a driving test. Because of this, there are a lot of companies competing for young would-be trainees by offering week-long stays in the mountains, and other perks. Even after paying thousands for training, there is no guaranty you will pass an actual driving test. He was shocked when I told him high school students in America get free driver training classes as part of our FREE public education.

He was still excited about this driving camp though. They put you up for two weeks in Nagano, and on Fridays you get a cake buffet! As excited as he was about the cake, he was really looking forward to the manga reading room and the all-you-can-play PS3 video game area. Maybe he can practice for his driving lessons with Grand Theft Auto...

The Butcher is BACK!

I finally made it karaoke today- our first time since coming back. The place was on the 7th floor of a building in Ogikubo. While waiting for the elevator, I noticed something intriguing on the third floor. I wanted to check it out, but we had the karaoke bug and would not be detoured. While I enjoy singing, I unfortunately don't listen to much music with words amymore. Therefore, I am stuck singing songs from the 80's and early 90's. Here is a video of me butchering poor Chris Isaak's Wicked Game:

another day on the chuo-cide line

If this train seems overly crowded it is because somebody jumped in front of an earlier train screwing up the whole schedule.the chuo line has long been a favorite of japanese looking for a quick way out. japan's suicide rate is by far the highest in the world. makes no sense to me- at least they have cool cell phones and universal health care.

posted from cell

Pimm's in the (Inokashirakoen) Park

My buddy Daniel and I had a lovely picnic at Inokashirakoen in Kichijoji the other day. Well, by picnic I mean we got wasted on Pimm's No.1. Apparently this is a very British way to wile away a warm spring afternoon. You might think of it as the British equivalent of Sangria in the US. Basically you take a bottle of Pimms and mix in lemonade (we used ginger ale instead because CC Lemon is about as close to lemonade as you can get here), then put fruit and berries in it. Finally, mysteriously, you add peeled cucumbers (it is a British drink after all) which naturally over-powers everything else. After the third cup, though, it started tasting less and less like a liquid salad.

The passers-by were intrigued with the colorful pitcher, or maybe it was with the brashness with which two foreigners were openly getting hammered. A policeman on a bike went by at one point, purposefully straining his neck in the opposite direction.

Pig Flu Becomes Big Pain in the Buta

Let the panic begin. Today Japanese health officials made the decision to quarantine any planes arriving from the Americas. When they land at Narita, guys in hazmat suits board the plane and physically inspect every passenger (I imagine guys with flashlights lurking through a dim and dusty cabin- like a scene out of CSI). When they are allowed to deplane, they walk infront of a camera that can read their body temperature. People who are warm set off an alarm (either because they have a fever, or because they are steaming mad for having to sit on the tarmac for hours):

Read the story about the panic in Japan HERE

Personally I think it is just a ploy to get these policies permanently implemented so that foreigners can be regularly inconvenienced and harassed to the point where no more of their filthy kind come to Japan anymore. Then things can be like they were in Edo period. Happy, blissfully ignorant times those were!

I was made aware of the level of panic when I got an urgent email from the president of Teachers College, Columbia indicating that someone with the flu was touching a computer keyboard in the computer lab. In typical New York fashion, she said that it was too late to do anything about it, so the infected keyboard would not be publicly hanged. She said that disinfecting the areas the student went would be "unnecessarily disruptive to our students during this busy time of the year." So, basically, she is saying: we can't be bothered beyond sending this spam to the entire campus community. But, we want to be part of the panic-spreading fun.

Here is a picture of a Japanese tourist visiting New York. I'm sure if he gets on the E train he will be mugged for his swanky mask:

Read the story about panic in New York HERE

No Special Delivery

All my stuff was finally delivered from New York today and has overtaken my limited living space. It only took 40 days in a shipping container. The choice to use a Japanese company (Nippon Express USA) has proven to be a good one. Three guys showed up today with all 14 boxes, and counted each one as they gingerly placed them on a pad in our living room. They then opened each one to ask us if everything was there. They will even come back after we have unpacked to collect the boxes and packing wrap! Not a single box was crushed, or even dented as far as I can tell.

This is in stark contrast to when I moved to New York from Japan three years ago. I used normal sea mail and the boxes were delivered to us by the US Postal Service. One box was ours, that is, it had our hand writing on it, but inside there was a can of tuna fish with Koran writing, a fake Diesel bag and some books in Korean and Chinese. Some rather important things that started out in that box were nowhere to be found. Calls and a visit to the Post Office in Harlem (not surprisingly) had no effect. Probably the most disturbing thing was when the postal clerk looked at the return address written in Japanese on the box and asked if it was German.

Some Koran guy out there is wondering who those people are on the beach in Hawaii, when all he really wants to do is have a tuna sandwich.

Ayumi Hamasaki- in a Mustang!?

Spotted this video while watching MTV Japan the other day. It's Ayumi Hamasaki's new song called, strangely, "Next Level." I guess by next level she means not psychedelic trance. Perhaps she is referring to a desire to appeal to a more mature audience, like those in their later teens (kogyaru have to grow up too, I guess). Whatever the reason, it was interesting, or just perhaps unsettling, to see her driving a '65 Mustang through the California desert. Or is it really an animatronic Ayu robot in front of a blue screen? You can decide for yourself if you want by watching the video promo here:

Drunk and Naked in Japan? That's a First

Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, one of the 5 members of the hugely popular boy-band-entertainment-super-power known as SMAP, was arrested at 2am yesterday for doing something nearly every Japanese man has done sometime in his life: Get drunk and take off his clothes in public. In a country where comunal bathing is common place, the media drumming he is getting seems a bit over-blown. I can't count the number of times I have seen a Japanese man who has had 5 too many drinks start taking off his clothes. I remember one guy pull down his pants while a friend of his lit his ass hair on fire. A teacher freind of mine sang a little song about penises and at the end pulled his out. These antics were performed in PUBLIC and drew roars of laughter from everyone around.

So, what is it about a talento (celebrities) when they do similarly stupid things that they have to get crucified? A few years ago another of the members of SMAP was stopped for speeding, and the public out cry was immediate and harsh. Like Kusanagi, Goro lost all of his lucrative advertising gigs, and was banned from television for months. What's the deal? Here is an actual quote from Kunio Hatoyama, minister of internet and communications which hired Kusanagi for the switch to digital campaign:

"It's embarrassing. He is a character who is calling for public understanding of the cancellation of analog broadcasting, which will burden the people. I have no choice but to think he is a disgusting person."

A disgusting person? What about Japanese Finance Minister Shoichi Nakagawa getting drunk and attending the G7 meeting in Rome last month? Maybe he should have gotten naked too...

Walk (or Pedal) at Your Own Risk

To illustrate just how perilous the back streets are (and many of the main streets) in Tokyo, I shot this vid with my cell phone while walking to Mukashisakai station. As you will see by the way pedestrians scatter to the sides, cars seem to have the right of way (I think the guy actually swerved at me towards the end- and I'm standing on a curb!) You'll be lucky if drivers even look before they turn onto a street. I was hit by a car while riding a bike a few years ago because the woman was paying attention to merging traffic, not the 6'1 gaijin pedaling by. Luckily I was able to ditch my bike at the moment she gunned the accelerator (I was paying attention to her NOT paying attention). Bike was totaled, I lived to store away another of those "nutty nihonjin" stories.

Murakami's Inochi

My buddy Pete asked what the hell this was. The short answer is that it is a creation by Japanese "pop" artist Takashi Murakami called Inochi (or life, in Japanese). For any of you who don't know Murakami's work, it is very unique, drawing on Pop art, manga and classic Japanese Ukiyo-e woodblock prints. Unlike most artists, he embraces commercialism (though with his own twist), even creating a line of handbags for Luis Vuiton.

The Inochi just finished an exhibit last week in Tokyo. When I went to the Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum last year, they were playing this short video which was made to imitate a typical Japanese drink commercial:



You can read up on the Tokyo exhibit here.

Goldilocks Gaijin

Here is an example of when simply being foreign doesn't garner enough attention for some people in Japan. Spotted this guy crossing the street in Shibuya. When the light changed he skipped across like a little girl, curls bouncing and dress flowing in the breeze. Avaunt guard performance art? Or stupid moron? History will decide...

Don Quixote in Shibuya

Headed down to Shibuya to buy an iPod dock and remote at the Apple Store to the tune of $60 bucks. Afterwards I went to the bargain basement store Donkihote to pick up a few things.


In addition to a generic iPod dock and remote for only $10 (Doah!), they also stock all your daily necessities:

Like maid outfits for all those budding Lolitas -and there appear to be quite a few of them! I spotted two lined up outside a particularly popular McDonald's (though their outfits were too posh to have been purchased at lowly Donki.)

A few blocks away I spotted something familiar, but couldn't believe my eyes at first. It looked like somewhere in the OC. Outback Steak House in Shibuya? WTF?

post from cell- shinjuku

This should be a familiar sight to anyone who has ever hung out with me in tokyo. starbucks shinjuku south exit. hang around here long enough and you are bound to run into someone you know!

Sakura Candy

Here are some pictures from the ICU campus. This place is covered in sakura trees, and for about a week the whole place looks like cotton candy. For being in Tokyo, this is really a rural area (called Mitaka-shi). The campus is a do-able 20 minute walk from our apartment. When I get a bike it will be about 5. But a bike is lower on the list of things I need (a refrigerator is the next thing to tick-off.) I also need some place to put all my stuff I shipped from NY- which is now sitting in customs here in Japan (actually, I'm in NO hurry to have it). I'm glad I have an office at work so I can keep all my books and research OUT of the apartment.
For more info on where I work click HERE

New Digs in TKO

After two trips into Tokyo, I finally found an apartment. Rent is less than Manhattan, but not by much. The part of Tokyo I'm in, called Mitaka-shi, is actually about 20 mins from the center of the city by train. Therefore, it is considerably more residential and rural. It is still Tokyo, meaning the roads are about as wide as they were in the Edo Period! I'm thinking it might be safer NOT to get a bike- a car or even scooter would be safer because you would have the right of way (I know, it's screwed up).

There is an amazing Buddhist temple in front of Musahisaka Station (which is the closest station to our apartment). They do Zen meditation daily and I might look into that- I haven't done Zen for years and really miss it. I posted a pic of the temple above.

Gedowdaheah!

Here are pics taken on our last night walking around our 'hood of the Guggenheim.

Leaving NYC is bitter-sweet. As much as I loved the city, I never really "got it." "The Greatest City in the World!" Really? This is usually spoken by people who have never been anywhere else. And to my amazement, there are a lot of New Yorkers who NEVER leave the city. I think it is much too over-rated, and once I realized that, I was able to feel more a part of it. I loved our Upper East Side neighborhood, blocks to the park and the amazing museums. I think it would be a great place for people wealthy enough to enjoy it. But for the rest of us it made us poor just being there. I read somewhere that on my income I would have been upper-middle class in Houston TX! In Manhattan I was too broke to give our local bum a quarter. You really feel anonymous here- which is great after living so long in Japan. But I could never understand how people never seemed to remember you. Then one of the guys who works at our corner bagel shop saw me packing our suitcases into a taxi and asked if I was taking a trip. He seemed genuinely bummed I was leaving.